Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
not ubering you a puppy
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
