I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
