so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
