So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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