there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
