i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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