Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
