I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
