Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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