so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
