I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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