ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
