Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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