Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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