Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My penis needs a shock collar
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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