i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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