i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
