Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
