Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
