help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
i now understand why vodka
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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