If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
