I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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