If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
