I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
