Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
