I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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