whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
