6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I want her autograph on my taint
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
