I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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