You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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