halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize