i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
