some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
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