I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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