Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
