when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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