Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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