this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
