I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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