I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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