Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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