i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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