I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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