he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
