long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
