Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
