theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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