even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
