I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
