Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
