im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
its liver damage thursday
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize