I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
