Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
