ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
