Just cropdusted the office
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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