Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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