Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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