i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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