I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
