I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize