So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize