i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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