At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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