we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
