i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Sext me about skeletons
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
