I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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