At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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