Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
