I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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