Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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