bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
