I am in a vortex of obligation.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
