You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
