cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
