Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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