before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
