I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
