My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
