id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize