He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
