That's intense
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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