you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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