you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize