Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize