For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
