so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
