I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we have officially lost it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
