he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
