i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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