The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i need some magic done to my vagina
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
