Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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