My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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