You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize