I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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