How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
