the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
