Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
