my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
