also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
