Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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