my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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