So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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